Fentanyl Dealer Claims His Bags Are Net Life-Positive Thanks to Malaria Donations
Overdose Offsets: Why Every Bag of Fentanyl I Sell Is Net Life-Positive
A satirical essay by a former Jane Street quant who sells fentanyl in Kensington and donates $1.80 per bag to the Against Malaria Foundation. He calculates each bag nets +0.00008 lives, and in 2025 his 21,000 bags caused 5.3 deaths but saved 6.9 lives in Malawi. He argues that leaving the corner would only hand the market to an uncharitable rival, making his operation the lesser evil.
If I leave the corner, Hector from Lehigh Avenue has it inside of an hour. Hector sells the same tranq dope at the same price, with zero offsets and a pit bull named Dollar. The counterfactual to me is not 'no fentanyl at Kensington and Somerset.' It's fentanyl without malaria nets.
- bag_boy
This made me lol so hard, that I stopped what I was doing and logged into Hacker News to say "thank you" to whoever built this website.
This is perfect:
Against Taking My Son To Soccer Practice: A Bayesian, Longtermist, Updateless, Game-Theoretic, Kelly-Optimal Steelman of the Opportunity Cost of Reallocating My Son’s College Fund, My Ex-Wife’s Child Support, and the Proceeds of My Second Divorce Toward Methamphetamine, Escorts, Polymarket Positions, Grandma’s Pain Pills, and an Acausal Trade With Roko’s Basilisk Under Coherent Extrapolated Volition, Short Timelines, and a p(doom) I Will Not Be Updating at This Time (Part 1 of 7)
- jefftk
AI-written satire, but reasonably funny.
The math doesn't work, though: 21k bags at $1.80 donated is $37,800 in donations, but you could clearly donate much more than that working at Jane St.
- ande-mnoc
Amazing website: https://morewrong.lol/?post=im-huffing-computer-duster-becau...
- Avicebron
Morewrong is pretty good lol https://morewrong.lol/?post=replaceability-best-friends-wife
- jjmarr
The top comment discussing how price inelasticity means it is the drug users who are donating the money and deserve the moral credit made me appreciate my economics minor.