Why We Must Return to the Office to Use AI in Person
A satirical first-person account from a worker at Mondo Mayo, one of the last three corporations on Earth, who is forced back to the office to operate AI tools. The narrator, an Associate Slop Doula, clicks GENERATE and APPROVE on SlurryHose, endures surveillance by Best Buddy, and navigates absurd corporate principles. Through a series of ironic justifications—including an affair with a coworker and a mayo-based rehabilitation—the piece skewers mandatory return-to-office mandates and the cult of AI-driven productivity.
An SVP of Finance, Philosophy, and Screaming came by and explained loudly that Mondo Mayo’s corporate strategy had appeared irrational to me before because its goal was never profit—it was always power.
- ARandomerDude
> I am one of fifteen rank-and-file workers, and we are privileged to be led by thousands of Senior VPs.
This is simultaneously hilarious and painfully familiar.
- noir_lord
> We began a heated affair. A contractor hit a pipe above us, so rancid mayo splattered onto our bodies as we embraced, but we were too absorbed in our passion to mind. Try doing that from home.
I can't remember the last time something I read on the internet got a laugh that hard.
The whole thing is brilliant.
- Apocryphon
Whenever there’s a debate on unionization in the software industry, I have to ask: if engineers have so much leverage, why couldn’t they hold on to remote work benefits that were bestowed upon them during the pandemic?
- cafebabbe
Gosh it's so soothing to read that after those months of drowning into the turbulent deluge of dAIrrhea that are blogposts now
- selwoot
I reminds me of something I read years ago. Maybe sometime around 1984...