Bespoke: A Programming Language for People Who Say Please

Programming is full of violent verbs: we kill processes, throw exceptions, and execute instructions. Bespoke, a statically typed language with a `.charming` extension, replaces all that with Victorian politeness. Instead of `int x = 0`, you write a courteous request to the compiler. Mutations require apologies, exceptions are 'regrettable circumstances', and deadlocks become 'exemplary stalemates of mutual deference'. The compiler issues diagnostics like 'Blunt Imperative' and 'Insufficient Gratitude'. It's a satirical take on coding culture, but with a surprisingly thoughtful design.