33 Rules for Better Social Skills
Rules of good social skills (2025)
Liam Rosen distilled his viral tweet thread on social skills into 33 rules. Key advice: let others 'win' conversations, drive the dialogue subtly, use local references to build rapport, and follow genuine curiosity. He emphasizes humility, avoiding repetition, and knowing when to exit. The list covers everything from body language and group dynamics to handling compliments and contact info, offering practical, counterintuitive tips for more meaningful interactions.
In almost all conversational contexts, generally let the other person win.
- NikolaNovak
These are excellent notes for neurotypical people, particularly those who are extrovert or can mask / fake it without undue cost :)
Addendum rather than correction - neurodivergent and or introvert behaviour may differ - I'm AuDHD and e.g. "body language breaking rapport" doesn't mean I'm no longer interested and neither does "shifting eyes" -- that's my default behaviour which takes extreme amount of unsustainable energy to break for short targeted periods of time -- if my body language are engaged and I'm looking in your eyes, I'm probably not hearing what you're saying as all my CPU cycles are peak multithreading to control my body :).
I think the list is like PMP - read, then evaluate customize and implement portions as feasible for your specific situation.
- bolangi
I can't get the article at the moment, but will comment that not everyone has equal experience or comfort with face-to-face communication, what Stephen Porges calls the "social engagement mechanism". Some people can feel intimidated by the gaze of others.
The foundation of American improv theater came out of socializing games developed by Neva Boyd at Hull House in Chicago and her student Viola Spolin, published in Spolin's book, Improvisation for the Theater. These games rely on attuning to the faces of others and what they say and do. One's spontaneous, untutored reactions are the source of creativity and fun.
I will testify here that the social engagement practices in improv games have done more for me in being able to spontaneously respond and connect with others than decades of (otherwise valuable) therapy and growth practices.
- liamrosen
Hi, I'm the author. I'm still using my same webhost from 2001 and this is really the impetus to get new hosting! This is the third time liamrosen.com has made the Hacker News front page (for very different things) and each time my hosting has gone down.
And now the Internet Archive is down, too. (edit: IA is back up!)
Well, here are the rules in tweet form:
- abhaynayar
Gem of a blog for me personally. This is the rare signal amongst the noise for me on HN. Went through a bunch of his other articles and realized his brain and way of thinking works in a similar way as mine but a bit different and further "ahead" in ways I'd like to be, which is supremely useful and entertaining and satisfying.
- munificent
Rules about social interaction are often too general to be really useful to me, but I found this one insightful:
> If making references that are outside someone’s context, do so only if they signal themselves as a curious person, and make them come from a place of genuine interest in informing, rather than bragging.
This is something I struggle with when talking to new people. How much to lean towards introducing them to things they don't know but may find interesting versus not wanting them to feel like an outsider or dumb by bringing up stuff they don't know.
Paying attention to how they signal their curiosity and sense of safety is a good way to gauge that.